Contains some personal & sensitive themes - be warned.

Having baby thoughts on the brain at the moment, mainly due to recent Caesarian arrival of new nephew.  And now it's Mother's Day too...

Nephew arrived fine, pleased to say - bit jaundiced and a bit purple, but fine.
My own thoughts on having babies are compound fear and terror worthy of a Dario Argento movie.  But then, these come under one of my favourite subject headings, "things we do not like to talk about'.  And it sucks, frankly!  In modern day society people still hate to talk about miscarriage, stillbirth and the litany of things that can happen during pregnancy.  So how is one meant to overcome their fears?  It's taboo to talk about the child that never was...and from a family with a history of miscarriages and stillbirths I know how devastating it can be.  My fear is exacerbated because I have to wonder, does it run in the family or are other factors at play?  Because people don't tend to talk about it and there seems to be frighteningly little scientific knowledge about actual causes of miscarriage, I'm in the dark.
Suppose I need to talk to my Mum more about this.  But then it's hard to dig up the past.  From the things I do know about some of her experiences, stillbirth (back in the late 60's / early 70's) was shockingly dealt with.  I only know that somewhere my fourth brother is buried with an adult (this is what they did) and my mother was not even told where.  So as well as a nod to my ma on mother's day, here's a nod to Anthony.  Because one day I'd like to find where you are, for her.
This is a bit of a mixed up post.  But then that's how I feel about all things baby right now.